Sorry, I can’t inject you with the Covid vaccine — I've not had my racial awareness training

JUST occasionally the real world comes up against the ludicrous world we have invented for ourselves.

One of those times is now, with the roll-out of the anti-Covid vaccine.

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We’ve already got more than 4.5million doses of at least two different vaccines, and more coming in.

In the real world — the world we used to live in, years ago — these would be administered pronto, and by now a large proportion of the population would have been immunised.

Not a chance, not in our brave new world.

That’s because the people administering the vaccine and overseeing the procedures haven’t been properly trained.

No — nothing to do with the medical side of things.

They haven’t been properly trained in that most crucial issue, racial awareness.

Because that’s the most important thing right now, isn’t it? Making sure nobody is offended as the jab goes in.

Not just that. They haven’t been on an anti-terrorism course, either.

Because that’s bloody important too, isn’t it?

These are just two of the requirements for new staff engaged in rolling out this vaccine. There are many, many more.

Former NHS workers talk in despair about having to fill in a 20-page questionnaire and produce qualifications gained decades ago.

The medical bodies have lobbied for the ridiculous red tape to be reduced.


And the Government has given in on the terrorism stuff. But too late, too late.

This is a crisis. It’s a bit like Dunkirk. Can you ­imagine if, in 1940, we had the same mindset as today?

“Ah, so you’re volunteering to cross the Channel in your little boat to rescue our ­soldiers. Excellent.

“Can you fix a date to attend a course in gender awareness as soon as ­possible?

"This is to ensure that if you meet any German soldiers you address them with gender-neutral pronouns. We have a vacancy for the course on November 29. In Preston.”

The main problem is our Civil Service, I think.

Inflexible, cumbersome, hopelessly bureaucratic. People who in the main have never really lived in the real world — and certainly not the commercial world.

They are bound and ­strangled by red tape. There is no hunger to get the job done, just a commitment to do everything by the rules, no matter how stupid or irrelevant those rules might be.

We saw the same thing with attempts to get our frontline workers equipped with protective clothing last spring.

The whole thing took an age and a half — and in the meantime health workers ­contracted the virus and some died.

The same bureaucratic incompetence rendered our track-and-trace programme a lamentable failure.


Meanwhile, at the same time, the Army took just a couple of weeks to knock up a whole bunch of ­enormous hospitals — the Nightingales.

No messing about. Got the job done.

Here’s the deal. If you want something done fast, for Christ’s sake keep the ­bureaucrats out of it.

Give it to the Army or the private sector. But keep the mandarins away.

Or we’ll still be waiting for our jab in about 2031.

Snowed under

ON December 7, 2020, the Met Office put out a statement saying snow would eventually be a “rarity” in Great Britain. Because of global warming.   

Less than a month later there was snow even in ­London.  

The Met said the same thing more than ten years ago.  

And within a week of that statement we found ourselves snowed in.

I needed a sledge to get to the pub. (Remember pubs? They were nice places). 

We were snowed in the year after that, too.    

The more the Met Office makes these apocalyptic statements, the more people begin to doubt global warming.

Covid is China's crisis

A BUNCH of World Health Organisation officials were due to visit China.

Their job was to find out why and how the Covid virus started.

Was it a bloke serving a meal of sweet ’n’ sour bat intestines bought from a wet market? Or was the virus man-made, as some suggest?

And why did the Chinese authorities keep quiet about the pandemic in their country for so long?

But guess what.

The Chinese government is so far refusing to let the WHO experts in.

Meanwhile the Chinese economy is doing very well, thank you. While the rest of the world is under lockdown.

China is a brutal, totalitarian country. It does exactly what it likes – bullies neighbours, imprisons its Muslim population, denies freedom of speech.

And it won’t co-operate at times of a world crisis – which sprang from within its own borders. China must be held to account.

Dry wine January

HOW’S your Dry January coming along?

Mine’s going just fine.

Last night I had a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc, and tonight it’s a Pinot ­Grigio. Both very dry.

Now is not the time for sweet wines.

Radio rage

WHAT’S going on at YouTube? This week they BANNED TalkRADIO, pulling videos by the broadcaster from the site.

Because sometimes on the ­station people say stuff which ­disputes the majority view of our lockdown rules.

God forbid someone should be allowed to have a different opinion.

Later YouTube backtracked. They said TalkRADIO had only been “suspended”. Pompous asses.

We are in a crisis right now and it is vital that we hear all arguments from all sides. It doesn’t mean we have to believe them all.

What jumped-up US liberals such as YouTube – owned by Google – call “disinformation” is usually just another point of view.

Maybe we should boycott it. These tech giants are getting too big for their woke boots.

Nice try, Piers

CONGRATS to Israeli model Yael Shelbia, who has just been named “The Most Beautiful Face In The World”.

And commiserations then to Piers Morgan, who I assume didn’t get his application off in time.

He snot wrong

QUOTE of the week comes from a Welsh Conservative councillor, a chap called Gareth Baines.

He was tweeting about hospital admissions to accident and emergency departments.

Here’s what he said: “A&Es in Germany aren’t full of fat mums in Pot ­Noodle-stained leggings/PJs taking their kids for a day out at A&E to harvest Facebook likes because their darling little snot-covered Asbo fell over. Happy New Year.”

Needless to say, Baines has been forced to resign as chairman of his local Conservative Association because people might have “taken offence” at his comments.

So what if they took offence? I’m sure with proper counselling they’ll get over it eventually.

We worry too much about what the thin-skinned think.

So, free the Clwyd One! Reinstate Gareth Baines.

In the hope he turns out more tweets like the one above.

Free to spread virus

JUST three per cent of people flying into Britain get checked later on to make sure they are not breaking quarantine regulations.

So while our entire society is locked down and the kids are missing essential schooling, people coming to the UK are pretty much free to bring in as many Covid variants as they wish.

It is a kind of madness.

To my mind, if we’re under such severe restrictions, the borders should be closed while lockdown is in place.

Yes/no by BoJo

ONE of the highlights of 2020 was watching Boris Johnson appear before the cameras to contradict exactly what he said two days previously.

Always good for a laugh, that. So it’s very cheering to see him ­taking exactly the same approach in 2021.

Last week schools were safe and the kids were going back. They were going to have their exams too.

Now the kids won’t be back until after half-term (if then) and exams are being scrapped.

It wouldn’t surprise me if the schools don’t reopen until after Easter.

Too often – every day, in fact – the Government tries to cheer us up.

Things will be back to normal by Easter, ­children back in school next week, we’re nearing the end of our fight against Covid . . .

It’s all b*****ks. They should treat us as adults and tell us the hard facts.

Then we can decide whether this perpetual lockdown business is worth the harm it is doing.

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